Fear: Forever Entering A Roadblock

It started about 7 years ago.. when it crept in.. seeped through the cracks of my heart... No one could tell at first.. even me.. but as this toxic substance eventually spread through every crevice of my body.. its effect became vividly clear... Fear had replaced every bold piece... Anxiety had silenced the once roaring courage...

Fear begins as a hidden habit.. but like a weed.. its grows and tangles and smothers the prettiest flowers.. It saturates the most golden garden... and spoils the ripest fruit.. All that is left is the rotten.. the withered.. and what once was a beautiful sanctuary of peace.. becomes a makeshift graveyard of the soul..

Though I cut down this weed on many occasion.. it only popped back up and surfaced its ugly head.. and grew... seemingly with no end to it.. how many years would this resurface.. how many years would its choke grip my heart...

And then last year.. on a 50 foot telephone pole at a ski resort in the middle of the Adirondacks in New York.. i took a leap.. full of faith.. still clutching my giant of fear.. but as I jumped.. i knew I could no longer hold on to the giant.. it was him or me... and with one finger at a time.. i let him go...

Why did I hold so tight to fear.. because it had become my norm.. it had become me.. Every day this giant would throw me a roadblock.. and instead of blowing through it...i turned around to avoid it.. drove back home.. let fear control..

I became enraged when others did not accept me along with my giant.. we were one.. So get over it.. but those around me felt uncomfortable around this gangly towering fool..

I mistook fear as a normal "concern".. the reality is that I could walk outside and be run over by a truck.. but I cant let that scenario dictate my life.. The reality is I may drive alot better than a family member.. but I cannot let my paranoia of a car wreck dominate everyone else's way of life..

Fear is an abuse.. it destroys.. it makes weak.. its contagious.. it prevents.. it is a "adult pacifier" that must be removed and destroyed.. If I had just taken the giant.. and put him away.. and instead called on my Savior.. and drug him around in my heart.. in my car.. out and about... I would have discovered the peace I had yearned for so long... was really there all the time..

Though my original fear could be defined as well-deserved at the time.. It was just a land mine of road blocks. I had prepared my whole life for its coming. It is what I did with it afterward that led me to chains. I ran instead of taking my turn. The only problem is I increased attention. I forgot that I must decrease but God must increase. I forgot that the "wicked flee when no one pursues". I forgot to live righteously is to live fearlessly. I forgot that fear's factor is all in how you ride it out.