Healing Waters

Recently, I went on my annual family vacation to the Adirondacks. It is a rural area of upstate New York surrounded by mountains, wildlife, and rivers. It is truly a beautiful place. I have been reading a book called "In the Wilderness" about how we are all looking for adventure in life to thrive upon when we put down our cellphones, computers, and other multimedia and really listen and look at ourselves. Sometimes this can be very difficult and for me it was. I am not accustomed to quiet. I have become content with chaos.

I sat around a campfire, hiked a steep mountain, fished the most peaceful river, and floated down rapids. In this time of solitude, I found myself explaining how far I've come this past year, and how far I have left to go. Who was I trying to convince? I can remain cool as a serial killer at work during the most stressful of events, yet the mountain air could not muffle my anxiety.

I have never been more happy with my life, but stress and the pursuit of control abounded in my heart. I have forgotten how to relax. In my "wilderness" adventure, I sought out man's approval of myself and threw away my textbook calmness.

I forgot that I should not have to convince others that I am a good person, I should walk "blameless" so that they can see it for themselves. The words that I say and my actions that are visible should be the convincing evidence.

Perfection will never be attained, and life will never be fair. I will be left out. I will be overlooked. I cannot demand respect and approval. The mountains cannot cure hurt. Hiking will not defeat affliction. If all I dwell on is life's atrocities, I will never find repair.

It is amazing that, if whoever is reading this really knew my every thought and action, they would never read this. Yet God does... and still loves me... Instead of being content with His favor and love, I tossed Him aside to fulfill my own ego. I thought I had accomplished so much.. only to realize... that I am eerily empty without Him.

NEWWORLDSON has a song out called "Sweet Holy Spirit". The lyrics are fitting:

Pride is weighing me down
It’s choking my heart
I’m chained up and bound
If pride is my prison
Then Grace be my key
Sweet Holy Spirit
Come rescue me

Worry oh what can I say
I’ve worried so much
I forget how to pray
Well I’m down on my knees
And this is coming from my soul
Sweet Holy Spirit
Come make me whole.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEbs5ePV_6c