I Don't Want to Die!

The other day as I was "speed-reading" through the Bible, trying to make my year-end deadline, I found a chapter that was amazing (Isaiah 38). I liked it because it was desperate but authentic. ...And since I am drawn to the "doom and gloom", it grabbed my attention. This chapter is about King Hezekiah who has just been informed that he was going to die. What captured me was his response. Instead of saying goodbye he states "In the prime of my life must I go through the gates of death and be robbed of the rest of my years?" (vs 10).

He goes on to cry out "No longer will I look on my fellow man, or be with those who now dwell in this world". His lament brings me pause because I too have felt that way. As much as I cannot wait to see my grandfather and sister in heaven, I also want more time.

King Hezekiah doesnt stop there. "Like a weaver I have rolled up my life, and he has cut me off from the loom" (vs 12). He goes on to say how he feels as if his bones have been crushed like a lion, and he mourns like a dove, and his eyes grew weak. He then says "But what can I say? He himself has done this. I will walk humbly because of this anguish" (vs 15).

My favorite verse is "Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back. FOr the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise. The living, the living - they praise you, as I am doing today." (vs 19)

God listened to King Hezekiah's 'audacity to question' and granted his wish... and he lived... Sometimes our prayers seem like they never leave this atmosphere. The thought that a prayer... soars faster than a space shuttle... and bursts through the heavens to the creator of all mankind... is to great for us to fathom... but they do...

God hears us... the unworthy.. the alone.. the desperate.. the authentic... the mourners... the "cry-babies"... he hears them all... we just need to cry out in desperation... leaving our formalities at the door... and wait for God's response...