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Growing Pains

The cool thing about God is that he waits for us to "grow up". Like a parent, he understands the growing process, the growing pains, and does not "limit his love" based on our perfection. This is an encouraging thought because we are constantly in a process of growing... Thankfully he waits for us to let go of our "pacifiers" and grow out of our "diapers" so that we may follow the example he has led for us...

Eph 2:4 ""But God, Who is rich in mercy, for His great love wherewith He loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, by grace ye are saved".

The very fact that "we are loved" is amazing. I need God to love me because many times I disappear into this "zone of loneliness" or "quiet heartache" and need that nudge of inspiration to get me through the day. It’s my time in prayer, quick smile to a stranger, and glance at a child's innocent eyes... that awaken me from the nightmare of daily reality... Along the way, I got caught up in the finality of life, the anxiety of things to come, the losses in front of me, the failures of others, the failures of myself, the unfair decisions, the lack of recognition, the distrust of others.... I let those things harden my heart... I let my calling fall on the way side because I believed I was too unworthy to embrace it... I didn’t feel as if I ever could be used...because I saw clearly in the mirror what only God saw in my heart... I hid my face with cover girl... and my lips with Maybelline... and my body with cotton stitching...but none of these things hid the truth of who I was....

I am a recovering angry, selfish, self-motivated, spiteful, envious, dubious, lying, person who would be condemned to prison in the courtroom of conscience.... BUT.... my sins were paid for... someone took my punishment... someone paid the price for me already... and yet I still feel the pains of growing... the loneliness... the reflections of sadness... my eyes are clearer and my ears are cleaner... i now see what I was and what I want to be... which is one of the first steps of healing...

I have completed my Bible study on kindness... I have had many successes and failures... I can love when it’s easy... I still struggle when it’s hard... I lash out... then become quiet... I now can tolerate the aggravating... and answer softly to the criticism... and can speak the truth but with a sweet presentation... and apoligize with a legitimate honesty... I can talk to myself when I feel my patience boiling... and whisper to the hot-headed... i do not expect anyone but myself to adapt to the "policy" I have set for myself...but I have definately grown... that is what this was all about... seeing a problem and not perfecting it..But growing up... and dealing with it...

The race is still in progress and many laps are yet to run... but finally I have a friend, God, to run it with me....

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