One I Never Wished I'd Write...

The sound of distant thunder along with a humming air conditioner and a creaky rocking chair splinter the silence of a dimly lit home that I sit in as I write this devotional. I have never heard silence at this place. The sound of laughter and loud voices have always permeated the small hallways and rooms. I look at the empty rocking chair and the large pair of slippers that once graced the loving feet of a grandfather so cherished and a tear slips away from me...

I miss his laugh... most of all... and his spirit... I saw one of the strongest men I have ever known fight death and apologize to all those who watched... for leaving us... He never worried about himself... His last breath was fought to save all those around him from suffering... how truly reminiscent of our Savior... who also fought death to save a dying world from eternal suffering...

I have suffered pain in my life...surgeries... a broken heart... a lost job... friction with others... a friend walking away... rejection... etc... but this pain does not come close to a grieving heart... one cant explain in words... how hard it is to say goodbye to a man who brought so much joy to every life it touched... the torture was watching my grandma who loved this man for 70 years.. who lived to take care of him... give him her final kiss... to tell him to stop fighting death... and go home... those words are a tattoo'd marquee in my brain... he fought for her... and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw... he was in a ball... writhing in pain.. fighting to breathe... and managed to love... surrounded by family... he let it all go and went with the Lord... He was 96...

the news was given to me by phone... and for whatver reason... i was appointed due to location and timing... to tell my grandmother that her husband had passed... I have experience with death notifications.. which I attempted to avoid many times... but then and there... I had to tell her... how do you tell a woman you love so much... that the love of her life has left this earth? the strength of so many prayers... so many angels... holding me tightly... gave me the words... the wisdom... the strength...

The thing about death is that I found myself crying for the pain of others... i looked at grandma's eyes... her tears.. this dear precious woman suffering... and my father.. another strong man... a pastor... who has spoke at dozens of funerals... and wrapped his arms around greiving parishaners... watch his own father pass... my brother... who reminded me so much of grandpa...wept... my sisters... who have never lost a family member... the pain was unimaginable at so many levels...

How do you get past this pain? that is so intense... so deep... How do you look at the clothes that he wore the night he died... crumpled up in a plastic bag? his glasses... collecting dust on a table... the last newspaper he read... laying on the floor...

What hope can be found in death? Its fascinating to learn that "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth."
Ecclesiastes 7:1

Psalm 22:24
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one;he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.

This final thought... and my only hope...

Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.