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A Relational Reboot

One of the most popular articles in the New York Times recently is titled "The Happy Marriage is the 'Me' Marriage". For almost a week it has been one of the number one articles read and emailed. Published on the last day of 2010, the article talks about relationships and the need for "self-expansion". The article claims that if your partner helps expand your self-growth and you improve as a person, than you are more likely to be satisfied in your relationship.

This is a far different outlook than the traditional one we are all used to but as the divorce rates continue to climb, America is desperately searching for answers. The article talks about those in a marriage that are completely unhappy and desperate. It suggests a "Michelangelo effect" in which partners "sculpt" each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals" (see source below).

"If your seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, than that puts your partner in a pretty important position". Our "partners" should not be dragging us down.. instead they should be working with us to be a better person.. many of us have lost ourselves in relationships that are smothering and selfish.. self-serving.. and bitter.. a continual spiral in which we drink, overeat, spend, obtain debt, fight.. and we lost ourselves...

This new year.. we get a fresh start.. to work together to become better listeners, givers, lovers, mentors... To get our minds off competing with other families and focus on what really matters in life...

Matthew 5 is the sermon on the Mount and Jesus dumbs it down for us... "Blessed are the meek (non-prideful), for they will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5)... Blessed are the merciful...Blessed are the pure in heart... Blessed are the peacemakers... You are the light of the world.. You are the salt of the earth.. Let your light shine... "anyone that is angry with a brother will be subject to judgement"..."go and be reconciled"... "Settle matters quickly with your advesary who is taking you to court; Do it while you are still together or on the way"...

"Do not break your oath but fulfill to the Lord your vows you have made"... "Do not swear an oath at all".."All you need to say is simply yes or no"... "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well"... "give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you".. "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"...

If we would start, baby steps, on these Beatitudes as they are called, we could change our whole outlook.. we would feel rewarded that we are achieving our goals.. we cannot keep following the same unhealthy patterns of living.. Our growth has been stunted for years.. we are stuck, depressed, hostile, paying it forward to everyone we meet, and negativity and nagging is contagious.. like a viral flu that creates mucus and tortures our very spirit.. we lost our joy.. and the wonder of it all..

Let's start focusing on "me" and improving "me" and less on "them" and all others need to fix... it is high time for a "tune-up"... an audit... spring-cleaning... So let's pick ourselves up off the bathroom floor and grab a broom.....


Sources (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html) and Matthew 5

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