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The Black Sheep

Many people over the past several weeks have commented on the "inspiration" or encouragement that I try to share on the Facebook platform.. and while most things I post are actually things I hear or read that are a super encouragement to me.. I look back even several years ago at "where I was" and think about how many people, right now.. feel how I did then.. lets take a look..

"The Black Sheep"

The fighting struggle in my head…

Its where im at

Its… am i dead?

And i feel raindrops sting my soul

And i cry out

“I hate my role!”

Who is it here that haunts my dreams?

I wish to sing

But i hear screams…

And why cant i deny the cries

of blood thats spilt..

of demon’s lies.

A light is shone through mystic trails

I’m all alone

Yet i hear wails..

The spirits laugh, they spit, they jeer

I cry to stop

But no one hears.

I am a lamb to slaughter’s lair

i bleat, i bleed..

But no one cares...

This was written 5 years ago.. when I felt like a "black sheep"... and while many may say I still am one.. I say.. "oh well".. I no longer let my "differences" hinder me.. What I knew then.. but didnt quite know what to do with.. was that I do not have to be my "label".. I do not have to serve two masters.. i do not have to give in to my darkest haunts.. I can say no to sadness.. I can own failure.. I can take criticism.. I can say ok to challenges.. I can scream HELP when I am afraid.. It is OK to be afraid.. It is human..

I can speak out about my love for God even though I'm far from perfect myself.. I can see my flaws and work on them instead of concealing them.. I can embrace imperfections, aging, and letting others go ahead of me.. It actually is a self-less thing to do.. (Now.. if i can just get my patience down..)

I dont have to accept nightmares.. I wont let them rule me.. I can forgive myself for all my past mistakes.. and I can forgive others for making mistakes against me.. because again.. we are really all black sheep in so many ways.. Every single day a person "goes gently into that good night" and we mourn and celebrate their life with some songs and a slideshow.. When now, all around you, are black sheep "bleating" and crying out for help.. we are to afraid to get involved.. we are to busy to keep in touch.. we have our own "nightmares" that rule our hearts.. and so we find ourselves a naive and self-absorbed shepherd.. whose own hearts have had no song to sing for years.. and we've become comfortable with our self-medicating addictions.. so that we are absolutely worthless when it comes to helping others.. because we are so different.. so black.. ourselves...

My poem asks the question "am I dead?".. How is it that so many living, breathing people out there feel dead... its because they feel useless.. they have no adventure in their life, they have no dragon to slay, no maiden to rescue... We will not truly live until we get to the place in our lives that we can shed the armor of guilt that has chained us for so long.. get up off the couch.. and actually go into battle.. Let's stop seeing ourselves as a "black sheep" and start training ourselves to be a protecting shepherd... fighting the battles for the other "black sheep".. Sharing the good news.. and screaming in the face of evil.. that we will not accept its lies anymore.. with sword in hand.. we will slay our giants.............................

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