Happily Ever After? Part II

"The euphoric feelings of being in love have an average life span of two years" according to Dr. Gary Chapman in his book "Happily Ever After". Then the reality hits and the differences and conflicts between a couple are more than self-evident. What happens once these ugly conflicts surface, falls into two categories: the parties decide to negotiate amicably or decide their incompatibable and walk away.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages, believes that many times couples are not looking for resolutions but refuse to leave the arguing mode. "Unresolved conflicts become barriers to harmony.' 'Life becomes a battlefield and couples become enemies'. 'By means of verbal bombshells, they fight the same battles over and over again, inflicting injuries that push them even farther apart emotionally'". As one husband stated about unresolved conflicts "it's the difference between heaven and hell".

Dr. Chapman asks the question why do people argue? In one word, he advised rigidity. We dig in our heels and say "my way is the right way and if you go against that, I will make your life miserable". "This is the attitude of an arguer, a person which insists on getting his or her own way". Instead of respecting one another and realizing that our difference do not diminish our worth, we fight a wasted battle. Why not give another the freedom to think and feel differently when that is exactly what we want as well?

Their is a "calming effect" that is found in respecting one another's feelings and loving them enough to let them disagree. "It is not until a couple expressed respect for each other's ideas that they move from attack mode to resolution mode". "Selfish people seek to impose their will on others.' What is important to them is "getting my way".' 'Lovers, on the other hand, seek to do those things that are most helpful for their spouses'".

"Love does not demand its own way but seeks the well-being of the one loved.' 'It is an attitude of love that moves us toward resolving conflict'". Demanding our way leads only to the ugly spiral of arguing and eventual heartache.

1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) in the Bible says love "is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.' 'It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres'". Maybe we thought everyone else was the problem, and we never accepted the fact that we by nature are self-centered and we never grew out of that. It's high time to fix that because no matter what relationship you run from or run to, selfishness will always wreak havoc.

-Quotes from "Happily Ever After" written by Dr. Gary Chapman

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