Driving to work the other day, I heard an interview with Timothy Keller in which he stated that the "jittery or euphoric feeling" a couple have when they first meet is not necessarily love. He advised that what many believe is love, is actually self-ego, and the person your falling for is actually the person that is filling your ego.
That is why the infatuation is so intense because you have found someone who is boosting your self esteem, telling you what you want to hear, and making you feel as if you are the absolute greatest.
Later on in life, once they move past the 2-7 years mark, the love they were really looking for kicks into full throttle because the couple overcame the hurdles. Very interesting. And as we have all learned.. feelings can lead us to severe heartaches...
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called "Happily Ever After". In the book he uses seasons to describe marriage or dating. When you first begin to date, you are in the spring season. Unfortunately, what happens in many relationships is that you find yourself going "straight from spring to winter, skipping summer and fall altogether".
Winter marriages are characterized by "anger, disappointment, loneliness, negativity, discouragement, frustration, and hopelessness." He described the couples experiencing the harshness of winter as "now they have to admit that the flowers have been dead for a long time".
Dr. Chapman attributes winter marriages due to one major problem - failure to resolve conflict without arguing. Couples have no training in how to resolve conflict. "When you choose to argue with your spouse, you are electing to use a judicial system to convince your spouse of the truth or validity of your position". The problem is that there is no judge to determine when either party is "out of order". Dr Chapman encourages couples to turn "their differences into assets rather than liabilities".
Refusing to argue.. allowing your loved one to "win".. is one of the best ways to repair brokenness. Remember the Bible tells us in Phillipians 2:13 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves". True love surrenders... and that will ultimately lead to... happily ever after..........
That is why the infatuation is so intense because you have found someone who is boosting your self esteem, telling you what you want to hear, and making you feel as if you are the absolute greatest.
Later on in life, once they move past the 2-7 years mark, the love they were really looking for kicks into full throttle because the couple overcame the hurdles. Very interesting. And as we have all learned.. feelings can lead us to severe heartaches...
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called "Happily Ever After". In the book he uses seasons to describe marriage or dating. When you first begin to date, you are in the spring season. Unfortunately, what happens in many relationships is that you find yourself going "straight from spring to winter, skipping summer and fall altogether".
Winter marriages are characterized by "anger, disappointment, loneliness, negativity, discouragement, frustration, and hopelessness." He described the couples experiencing the harshness of winter as "now they have to admit that the flowers have been dead for a long time".
Dr. Chapman attributes winter marriages due to one major problem - failure to resolve conflict without arguing. Couples have no training in how to resolve conflict. "When you choose to argue with your spouse, you are electing to use a judicial system to convince your spouse of the truth or validity of your position". The problem is that there is no judge to determine when either party is "out of order". Dr Chapman encourages couples to turn "their differences into assets rather than liabilities".
Refusing to argue.. allowing your loved one to "win".. is one of the best ways to repair brokenness. Remember the Bible tells us in Phillipians 2:13 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves". True love surrenders... and that will ultimately lead to... happily ever after..........
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