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Labels.. I Am A Mess

This morning I woke up and took out the trash. While walking back to my garage, my legs were covered in fleas. Ugh. The next door neighbor has cats who are constantly in my front yard. The "unglued" part of me wants to march next door and tell her how unthoughtful she is to everyone around her for letting her cats roam around in others yards. Yet, I do not choose this option. Instead, I walk into my house and stuff the bitterness into my heart.

I open my Bible and read about forgiveness. Yet as angry as I am about the unfairness of others, I cant shake the label I have given myself. I walk into my house and the dishes pile around me, socks lay on the couch, my bed is unmade, I trip on shoes in the middle of the floor. My name is Heather and "I am a mess".

This is my prison. The label of being a mess is my cell. Though I work so hard at forgiving others, I have to admit I have never really forgiven myself. Being a mess has always been my description. Ive never been jealous of those who are "clean freaks" or "OCD", I have just accepted my label and expected others to follow. Yet, my label hinders me. It hinders me from being my best. It causes me to bathe in discouragement and every day, I open the bars to my cell and take my punishment.

In a drama, I could be called "the victim". The problem is I do not have to accept this label. I can actually take one step at a time, "imperfect progress", and instead of remaining idle.. Im slowly moving forward. I may step back and chain myself to my cell, but I will keep making baby steps to freedom.

In her book "Unglued", Lysa Terkeurst says "one good choice can change your trajectory". This is a daily battle, but it is not impossible. Apparently, I have a problem in trusting in God. I want to control my surroundings. I try to control "my mess", but dishes dont wash themselves. And I have no power to call down angels to wash them for me. It is my small decisions daily that hinder me. I procrastinate and choose relaxation instead of responsibility. I choose "my mess" over choosing to "clean my mess".

When you are a mess, your reflection is a mess. How you see yourself is a mess. How others see you is a mess. You are not trusted because you are a mess. You freak out because you are surrounded in a mess. It drips and creeps into every facet of your life. I am tired of my prison. Mess = disorder, chaos, litter. That has been my life. The opposite of mess is order. That is my goal. So I set my eyes on the prize. I recognize my label, rip it off, and step toward imperfect progress.

A soul who believes she can't.. doesn't.. -Lysa Terkeurst

Love you guys.. Thanks for reading!

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Anonymous said…
It was a awe-inspiring post and it has a significant meaning and thanks for sharing the information.Would love to read your next post too……
October 24, 2012 at 6:16 AM
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