Failure to Launch...

If I were to look back at my week which included bocce ball, fishing, a cabin on the lake, games, good friends, flying through the Ocala National Forest in a jeep... it is still overshadowed by one failure... in reflection... I realized that I had prepared for months...for one test... it all led up to one event... and I bombed...

How do we handle failure? Well many of us run from it... I tend to walk away, dismiss those who object me, and then dwell on it for days after beating myself up for making an "F"... Failure is humbling... Failure shows us what "subjects" we need to improve... whether or not we deserve to fail is an argument we can’t win with the "instructor of life"...

Before I packed my bags last weekend, before I loaded my car, before I opened my sleepy eyes and dressed and entered the "critical incident", God knew I would fail... How could He let me fail when I have been faithful in reading His word and testifying His love to strangers? Because that is the great thing about God... He lets US make our own decisions... because of this... we fall short...

My tongue was the main ingredient of my failure... It spewed out words of hate and curses to a stranger... those same strangers I pray every day to help, to point to Christ, to be a blessing... I dishonored with the most dangerous weapon one can possess... the tongue...I violated a Biblical statute "carrying a concealed weapon" (i.e. my tongue) and "improper exhibition of a weapon or discharging a weapon in public"...

Though I was not physically arrested for this "crime"... my heart was arrested by my conscience... because deep down... no matter how I colored my "defense"... and decorated my alibi... and glitzed my position... when you tore down the "false wall"... the truth remained... I messed up... I caught a charge...

The best way to handle failing? Is fess up... though defense lawyers across the nation would completely resist this idea in many arenas... It is the only way to heal the scars... and silent wounds... that scream for mending...

The next step? Look at the "pre-cursers" and final analysis and complete an incident review... well, looking back I failed to love... because love thinks... My shattering words of hate and blasphemy mirrored what was truly in my heart... My anger and failure to control a dangerous weapon indicated a lack of control and unbridled pride....

The next step for me was to apologize to my "victim" and "witnesses"... It is hard to truly mean an apology when you feel led by others to apologize... It is a Band-Aid fix to a life-threatening "heart" condition... A sincere apology was required...but I failed this portion of the exam as well... The attacker (me) looked into the eyes of this stranger and he could not meet my eyes with his... I stood up for myself, manipulatively apologized, defended my position, but was torn from one part of my heart to the other because I knew... I knew... that I was wrong... as competitive as I am... it is hard to admit... I can blame it on the things I see, the sad complications that have plagued my life, but these excuses are lame in the face of my attack... I need to take responsibility and stop blaming................

Today's love dare... is that love is thoughtful... Love thinks before they speak... love does not spew out "spam"... it thoughtfully writes a letter...IN the beginning of relationships we watch every word we say, we think for hours how to win the heart of the one we love, we buy, we compliment, we praise, we adorn... After time, we argue and fight because we become lazy... Anniversaries surprise us... so soon?... we stay at home and let them go off alone... we don’t have time... we work... go to school... we are selfish... Today... call your loved one, ask them about their day, and do something "thoughtful" for them... start working on a valentine’s day idea now.. Not last minute...

Psalm 139:4 says "Before a word is on my tongue, you know all about it"... I have hid God's Word in my heart, prayed, sat in church, loved God, but this was not enough to save me from me... This weekend gave me and those around a "3-d" version of my heart... I had studied, knew all the right words... but failed to launch.............