I Am NOT Just a Number

Many things become important when the notice is given that you are dying. Fashion, the latest trends, and gadgets are not important. The job is not even that important. What becomes important is circling yourself around friends and family for the last goodbyes and the precious time you are given. If you think about it, when a family member is told that grandpa is dying, the price of a plane ticket and the "inconvenience" seems irrelevant. Yet, rarely do we make a surprise visit to those we love very much to just sit with them while they are here. Goodbyes are very important to us. Many times because we don't want to live with the regret of never saying those precious words. On Death: In the book, "Tuesdays With Morrie", an old professor is dying and he teaches a former student what becomes important in death. Morrie encouraged "becoming friends" with people instantaneously. We are scared to talk to someone sitting on the same bench. Yet, Morrie wo...

On 10/24/12, I decided to pay $34.00 for a train ride from the Winter Haven Florida Amtrak Station to Fort Lauderdale, Fl. The train was to depart at 1:43pm. I was to bring my printed ticket and one form of identification. A neighbor dropped me off at the Winter Haven train station and I was 20 minutes early. When I presented my ticket, my neighbor asked the Amtrak official if the train was on time. The Amtrak official matter-of-factly advised that the train was running 30 minutes late. I had signed up to receive email/text alerts if there were any delays, but did not receive any notice. My neighbor was worried about leaving me at the train station for that long which in and of itself is a problem. I am almost 37 years old and have taught self-defense for many years. So what about this area would cause her concern? Well the station area appears disorderly and unkempt. A steady path of people on bikes riding to and from the station into a local wooded area was also a concern. The a...

In a restauraunt in South Florida, I let my tongue slip. That is my version, "slip". This is an easier way to label it than "I stood up in the restaurant, grabbed a Samarai sword, and plunged it into the heart of the person I was speaking to". The Bible gives us warnings of the danger of our tongue to include this version of a "verbal slip". There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, But the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18 I did not have this "tongue of the wise" and I never have. Instead, if I were theoretically selling my tongue, on Craigslist, the ad would read "If you need someone to cut another's throat in front of an audience, hire me". This sounds as if I were offering up "assassin services" and is not the spirit inside of me that I want to reflect. I have always been a person who ignored danger signs or warnings. However, since I have a great love for the Lord, I can no longe...

During this past year, I decided to tackle all the golf courses in the county I live in. Two weeks ago, I saw so much improvement in my game. My grip was solid, my stroke was flawless, and my short game was by the book. So last weekend, when I walked up to Hole 1, I brought a confidence unlike I had seen. Swing... Hit.. and with my first swing.. by first appearances.. I had failed the game. 12 hits later on a par 5, my confidence had shattered. This was a mirror image of my entire last week. Rewind to Monday of last week.. I walked into work with great courage and confidence, but by that afternoon.. the world as I knew it had changed quite dramatically. The entire rest of the week was a "catchup" to a normalcy I so desperately tried to achieve, but never quite did. Change, regulation, restriction, and doubt flooded me like a lost ball in the water. I have been reading the bestselling book "Unglued" by Lysa Terkeurst about "imperfect progress". It is a book...

This morning I woke up and took out the trash. While walking back to my garage, my legs were covered in fleas. Ugh. The next door neighbor has cats who are constantly in my front yard. The "unglued" part of me wants to march next door and tell her how unthoughtful she is to everyone around her for letting her cats roam around in others yards. Yet, I do not choose this option. Instead, I walk into my house and stuff the bitterness into my heart. I open my Bible and read about forgiveness. Yet as angry as I am about the unfairness of others, I cant shake the label I have given myself. I walk into my house and the dishes pile around me, socks lay on the couch, my bed is unmade, I trip on shoes in the middle of the floor. My name is Heather and "I am a mess". This is my prison. The label of being a mess is my cell. Though I work so hard at forgiving others, I have to admit I have never really forgiven myself. Being a mess has always been my description. Ive never be...

We all love a good drama in books, movies, or around the water cooler. The media knows this and showcases live drama on news broadcasts several times a day. For those lacking drama in their own life, read your Facebook wall and you are set. How do we then dramaproof our own life? For many of us, we see everyone else as "drama queens" but rarely assume we fill that position. Au Contraire! Fundamentally, we have not been loved well and because of this find that we are a functioning player in a "drama" of some form almost every single day. In a drama, there are three players. First there is the victim who says "Help! I'm blameless". This person feels constant hurt, focuses on their own pain, and shifts blame. Then there is the persecutor who says "I am right and I am powerful". Humility is disregarded and is masked in pride. The last role is the rescuer who says "I can help because I am special". These people believe themselves to...

Today, some of you face obstacles that seem unsurmountable. Just this week, I have friends that have dealt with the hospitalization of a loved one, a marriage fall apart, an empty bank account, foreclosure, loss of a job, dysfunctional family members, change of a job, loneliness, and hopelessness. So many things around us are so uncontrollable. It is so amazing how one week can seem to change everything and everything is so broken. God came to transform the broken. We do not choose our uniqueness or flaws. We do not choose our genes or chemistry. We do not choose our circumstances. None of these things can we control. We can, however, choose our choices or how we respond to our present circumstances. We can also choose fear which is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is the result of not feeling connected. This choice we will pay dearly for. This path leads to depression and anxiety. We also can choose to walk into a room or a party and instead of worrying what everyone in the r...

How many of us this week have felt sometimes like we had no voice? We felt like our opinion did not matter and no one really cared about how we felt. This feeling breeds insecurity. When we were younger, we may have run away and hid somewhere. As adults, how do we handle this? Many of us lash out. When we feel as if we are losing control, our insecurity creeps up from the quiet and lashes out on many unsuspecting victims. There are 3 main sources of insecurity which are the fear of rejection, comparison, and chronic criticism. When we feel as if we cannot measure up, we take a nose dive into an empty pool of chaos. We begin to lose control of our words and hearts. Like a jumbo 747 wavering frantically in the sky, we forget to notify the control tower and desperately try to self-correct. The answer may simply be a need to call in a "mayday" before we have a dangerous crash landing. We don't like needing help. We try to have high standards for ourselves but many of us c...

For many years, I dealt with difficult people the best way I knew how. I went with the moment. In my twenties, I allowed people to walk over me and talk to me in a rude manner without getting too unglued. Over the years, my patience went out the window and my tolerance with it. I got to the point that if you looked am me wrong, you heard about it. That, I know now, is called pride. I used to define it as a proper defense mechanism as if every day I was entering a boxing ring. I had counterattacks, verbal judo, and a prowess for "low blows" long before my "rival" knew what was coming. I have found that this type of constant "defense" causes personal guilt, constant apology, and wrong "first impression assessments" on my part. This past week, Rick Warren laid out a lesson plan of sorts on how to deal with difficult people or as Warren calls them... #crazymakers. I have many in my life as I am sure everyone does. His first recommendation is to ...

Victims across the world have been programmed that the only way to "take the power back from the suspect" is to demand justice.. preferably swift justice.. We in America have tuned in to shows such as CSI and Law & Order and expect a guilty suspect to be convicted, sentenced, wrapped in a pretty bow, and shipped away. Sometimes when events such as the death of Trayvon Martin occur, we demand immediate justice because that is the only seemingly fair thing to do. Fairness, equality, justice.... Since being a victim goes hand in hand with demanding justice, when this justice is not delivered or if it is never seen in a life time.. those who are victimized can fall into a trap of making everyone in their life a suspect of some kind. This is because the "score" was never settled. This makes everyone they meet a prolific offender of some kind who is out to destroy, take advantage, manipulate, intimidate, and abuse. Zero tolerance is then enforced. There is no room...

Rick Warren states that "resolving conflict is always better than dissolving a relationship". Many of us would stand up and say "um, you have not met my neighbor or co-worker or family"... and while you may be right.. Rick Warren has never walked in your shoes.. I took his advice tonight, walked across the street to a neighbor I had ignored for two years and resolved a relationship that I had once chose to dissolve. The blessing I received from that small act proved to me Pastor Rick was absolutely right. I forgot that the easy thing to do is build walls.. but I was challenged today to instead.. build bridges.. face my fears, take the initiative, confess my part of the conflict, listen to the hurt, tell the truth tactfully, and fix the problem. God calls us to not be a bunch of "peace lovers" but "peace makers". I have run away from conflict, God calls us to face it. When it comes to conflict, I'm called to make the first move. Rick call...

How many of us deal on a day to day basic with crazy makers? These are the people who are constantly "pushing our buttons". They are co-workers, neighbors, family, and even friends. These #crazymakers have the power to steal the happiness from our lives almost instantaneously. Studies have shown that the number one predictor of happiness is the relationships in your life. We cannot change the crazy makers in our life, but we CAN change our attitudes. Proverbs 16:32 says "It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city". Proverbs 12:16 says "A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted". We all express anger in 4 different ways. One type are the "machine guns". These people are very expressive, they cuss, are highly controlling, and explode at a moment's notice. The myth to them is that their "eruption" of anger is healthy as they will not keep everything ...

In our modern day, we are seemingly prepared for anything... Missiles, war, economic crisis, riots, flesh-eating zombies, etc.. America has amped up homeland security, tightened our borders, and trained all government and military personnel on preparedness for catastrophes and disasters... We appear very secure and very ready.. We are trained for battle, surrounded with advanced technology, locked, and loaded. But are we prepared for what happens when the first 9-1-1 call is taken that a person just literally disappeared right in front of them...their clothes laying in a neat pile on the ground with their contacts, earrings, and wedding ring on top?.... THe responding officer hears over the radio... that hundreds have also disappeared... the 911 centers slammed with calls of drivers disappearing from their cars.. crashes.. planes with missing pilots.. chaos.. all in seconds... Surveillance cameras will only confirm the allegations.. that people all over the world.. vanished.. in thin...

Trials sometimes are so unforeseeable... That is where I was yesterday afternoon.. When the wind hit my sails and I was left devastated.. Its the smallest thing sometimes.. Others would look at you and say.. This is just a test.. God is with you.. But what happens when your trial hits you at an untouchable core.. A strong left hook.. that not only strikes you... knocks you out! It is at these times, that our prayers become curses.. Our anger reveals its ugly head... This is the "surprise exam", "pop quiz", that literally makes or breaks our earthly score... I have to say I failed "at first". Of course, I went through all the psychological mumbo jumbo "pity", "anger", "self-denial"... Sigmund Freud would have had a hayday.. but to me.. it was so real.. The past couple months.. I have been on a spiritual high... Things have been going almost to smooth.. which should have been my first clue.. Seeing how clues "should be ...

Maybe in trying to reach the world, we are using the wrong marketing strategy. We find a "poor miserable soul" that is in need, and pull out our handy dandy "sure-fire" Romans Road pamphlet and fire away. We are tuned out like a telemarketer attempting to sell a new product. We are given the "thanks, but no thanks" remark and walk away defeated. Why do we target the poor miserable souls and not the happy "go-lucky"? Why do we think that to broach such a taboo topic as "where are you going when you die" that a person has to be at their lowest point? While this does occur and can be a successful technique, let us not forget those who are relatively happy. If the world is our oyster, lets approach the unsaved that are happy. Can an unsaved person be happy? Absolutely! Joy apologetics does not assume that the world is miserable and loathing and inherently looking for a Savior. We need to cut the red tape of doom and loom and instead of regu...

Suzanne Collins delivered the book trilogy "Hunger Games" and the world flocked to the internet, bookstores, and movie theaters to see what the fuss was about. I actually was introduced to this book by an 11 year old who read the series for school and gave a stellar recommendation. I saddled up with the book and was mesmerized by the plot, the creativity, and a bit of "dejavu". As a student in college, with a minor in literature, I was reminded of the classic short story by Shirley Jackson called "The Lottery". Hunger Games is very similar. Today on a religious talk show, I listened as two experts demonized the movie/book series with radical comparisons to "Lord of the Flies" and the impact of violent media introducing murderous ideology into our kids thinking. However, I believed this to be a "knee-jerking", one-sided review. One of the top video games in this country is Call of Duty in which (mostly kids) enjoy hours of vicious war th...

"Most men want the maiden without any sort of cost to themselves. They want all the joys of the beauty without any of the woes of the battle. This is the sinister nature of pornography-enjoying the woman at her expense. Pornography is what happens when a man insists on being energized by a woman; he uses her to get a feeling that he is a man". - John Eldredge Interesting and controversial view of pornography in today's society when XXX sites are one of the top viewed websites across the world. Eldredge in his book goes on to say "it is the paragon of selfishness. He (OR SHE) offers nothing and takes everything". He then goes on to talk about the beauty of women, "Pretty woman endure this abuse all the time. They are pursued, but not really; they are wanted, but only superficially. They learn to offer their bodies, but never, ever their souls. Most men marry for safety; they choose a woman who will make them feel like a man but never really challenge them to...

Addicts are everywhere. Watch the news. Men and women, from every tier of life, walking through the revolving door of county jails all over the country. We all watch them fail. We shake our heads and turn the channel. No one stops to think that maybe we are all addicts... different poisons.. but people who have become slaves to ____ (fill in the blank) as a result of refusing our own strengths... thats what addiction is.. John Elderidge, author of Wild at Heart, says "The world is a carnival of counterfeits - counterfeit battles, counterfeit adventures, counterfeit beauties. The world says to battle your way to the top but why is it then that those who get there are often the emptiest, most frightened, prideful posers around?". Some of the most successful people are as miserable as those we consider failures. Both are missing one element - Christ. How do we then counterattack addictions, posing, and miserable hearts? Well before an effective military strike is made, one must...

A question was posed "what don't you feel free to bring up with me?". What is my effect on you? Are you approachable with conflict? Are you the type to never speak up for fear of saying the wrong thing? Or are you the type to dominate a conversation without taking the time to listen to another view? In a recent Biggest Loser episode, two new players worked hard from home to enter the competition almost 5 weeks into the season. The new players were sized up immediately and anything could have happened. One of the new players, Adrian, entered the competition and began talking about how easier the workouts were on the ranch than the ones he had done solo at home. He failed to listen to his teammates when told that his "prideful statements" were hurting them. His pompous attitude was a turn-off and within two weeks he was sent right back home. What was Adrian's effect on the team? It was saturated with anger, chaos, division, fighting, and loss. That is why dai...

Many people over the past several weeks have commented on the "inspiration" or encouragement that I try to share on the Facebook platform.. and while most things I post are actually things I hear or read that are a super encouragement to me.. I look back even several years ago at "where I was" and think about how many people, right now.. feel how I did then.. lets take a look.. "The Black Sheep" The fighting struggle in my head… Its where im at Its… am i dead? And i feel raindrops sting my soul And i cry out “I hate my role!” Who is it here that haunts my dreams? I wish to sing But i hear screams… And why cant i deny the cries of blood thats spilt.. of demon’s lies. A light is shone through mystic trails I’m all alone Yet i hear wails.. The spirits laugh, they spit, they jeer I cry to stop But no one hears. I am a lamb to slaughter’s lair i bleat, i bleed.. But no one cares... This was written 5 years ago.. when I felt like a "black sheep"... and...

"The euphoric feelings of being in love have an average life span of two years" according to Dr. Gary Chapman in his book "Happily Ever After". Then the reality hits and the differences and conflicts between a couple are more than self-evident. What happens once these ugly conflicts surface, falls into two categories: the parties decide to negotiate amicably or decide their incompatibable and walk away. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages, believes that many times couples are not looking for resolutions but refuse to leave the arguing mode. "Unresolved conflicts become barriers to harmony.' 'Life becomes a battlefield and couples become enemies'. 'By means of verbal bombshells, they fight the same battles over and over again, inflicting injuries that push them even farther apart emotionally'". As one husband stated about unresolved conflicts "it's the difference between heaven and hell". Dr. Chapman asks th...

Driving to work the other day, I heard an interview with Timothy Keller in which he stated that the "jittery or euphoric feeling" a couple have when they first meet is not necessarily love. He advised that what many believe is love, is actually self-ego, and the person your falling for is actually the person that is filling your ego. That is why the infatuation is so intense because you have found someone who is boosting your self esteem, telling you what you want to hear, and making you feel as if you are the absolute greatest. Later on in life, once they move past the 2-7 years mark, the love they were really looking for kicks into full throttle because the couple overcame the hurdles. Very interesting. And as we have all learned.. feelings can lead us to severe heartaches... Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called "Happily Ever After". In the book he uses seasons to describe marriage or dating. When you first begin to date, you are in the spring season. Unfortunatel...

"Human being to the mob. What’s a mob to a king. What’s a king to a god? What’s a god to a non-believer? Who don’t believe in anything?" These lyrics by Kanye West are on his hit single "No Church in the Wild" from his album "Watch the Throne" and is currently "trending" on Twitter in the Tampa Bay area. The remainder of the lyrics are irreligious and clearly demonstrate the hearts of a godless nation who have made money, possessions, and passion their only god. Whoa to this state of the union. It's not easy being a Christian in this day and time. I find myself many times feeling led to speak about God and I do. Then I stumble, say a bad word, or gossip, or criticize... and I wonder if I should have ever spoke at all. What I must remember is that I am a broken and cracked vessel.. with many leaks.. but I can still hold water.. I can still be used.. The amazing thing about God is that even in my brokenness.. even in my doubt.. even during my d...

American football also known as gridiron football is in full swing. Trending today is a game between San Fran and New Orleans. Football like life.. has alot of rules, plays, and penalties... and in a split second.. everything can change... Society idolizes our quarter backs.. and discusses every wrong move made by every member of the team.. As quick as we are to second guess every play, there is absolutely nothing we can do to change it.. Football is life.. Sometimes we get free kicks.. sometimes we make a touch down.. sometimes we fumble.. sometimes we get an interception.. sometimes we catch a penalty.. sometimes we make a tackle.. sometimes we call a timeout.. and sometimes.. we snap... Even the Apostle Paul jumps on the football bandwagon and in Phil 4:13 states "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Paul's goal and San Fran's goal may be a little different. Let's not forget though that when the st...

What does Yo Gotti, Dolly Parton, and Friday the 13th have in common? They are the top trends on Twitter for the Tampa Bay area today. Yo Gotti's new song "Harder" is replete with rhymes about Crips, Bloods, sex, and drugs. The perfect ingredients for a hit song and our community is eating it up. In his rap he says "Expletive, if I die today I went to church I pay my tax, I leave my son a couple million dollars so I did alright" and "26 inch rims, chrome mac 11, doing right so hard, but I pray I get to heaven". See, even Yo Gotti.. with all his cars, guns, drugs, and money is worried about where he's going when he dies... and no amount of money and fame can conquer a fear of death. Interesting... Yo Gotti missed the promise Jesus made in John 14:27 "I am leaving you with a gift — peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." Jesus's lyrics may not rhyme either.. but th...

It started about 7 years ago.. when it crept in.. seeped through the cracks of my heart... No one could tell at first.. even me.. but as this toxic substance eventually spread through every crevice of my body.. its effect became vividly clear... Fear had replaced every bold piece... Anxiety had silenced the once roaring courage... Fear begins as a hidden habit.. but like a weed.. its grows and tangles and smothers the prettiest flowers.. It saturates the most golden garden... and spoils the ripest fruit.. All that is left is the rotten.. the withered.. and what once was a beautiful sanctuary of peace.. becomes a makeshift graveyard of the soul.. Though I cut down this weed on many occasion.. it only popped back up and surfaced its ugly head.. and grew... seemingly with no end to it.. how many years would this resurface.. how many years would its choke grip my heart... And then last year.. on a 50 foot telephone pole at a ski resort in the middle of the Adirondacks in New York.. i took ...

Its a New Year which means a clean slate... and as Ive always been a huge fan of clean slates... I gear up for yet another amazing challenge.. As I perused my resolutions for 2010, I was surprised to find that I fell quite short.. I chickened out another year from getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I avoided planes like the plague.. I was a few miles short of my running goal.. my "budget" was an EPIC FAIL.. so no "WINNING" for me... But.. as I said this is a New Year.. and this year.. I wrote approximately 10 resolutions (i.e. goals) and called it a day.. but while reading this years Rick Warren devotional, I was challenged to go a step beyond that.. wow?.. Well he suggested I pray for these resolutions.. hmm.. good suggestion.. because I don't think I did that once last year.. So this year, during a Wednesday night prayer service.. I did just that.. "Lord, pray for me to have the courage to go get my wisdom teeth pulled"... then the next day.. I was cha...